Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
