OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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