I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
