Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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