The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
