hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
