I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
