they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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