I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
