Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
