margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize