Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
