She told me I should be a condom model.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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