So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
