You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
