His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
