I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
