On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize