Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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