So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
