OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
