She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
