There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
foreskin is a definite game changer
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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