Pants 0. Shit 1.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My life is pants optional.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
