He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
