Plan B is the new Plan A
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
