i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
