Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
