You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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