so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
