You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize