i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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