The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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