I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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