can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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