How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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