he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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