Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize