You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize