I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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