What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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