A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
