Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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