Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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