im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
