I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
