Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
