dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
