so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
