So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
