K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
