Your face is a jimmy john
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
