i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
