My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
