before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize