Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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