I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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