im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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