clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
