My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
