remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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