fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You ruined the universe
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
