why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hippo gnu deer
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
