Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
