You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There r osticjed everywhere
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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