We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
