I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
