hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
