I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just invented taco cereal.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
