1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
