Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
40s are totally the cure
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
