I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
