You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
