I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
