I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize