i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
