yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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