I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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