Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
