I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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