**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
