i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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