A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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