he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
