these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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