Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
