How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
