Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
