Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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