New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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