I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
