i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
