Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
