We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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