I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My ass is underappreciated
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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