Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
