Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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