well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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