sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
