dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
we made out on top of his cat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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