So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
