i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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