White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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