they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
