just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
