quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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