Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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