they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
