FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
