I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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